...is over?

i haven't entried here in very long. but i thought i would, for i have much to report.

i am now 17 and can view R-rated movies without looking like a fool when i get carded (oddly enough, that's only ever happened when i'm with dicey...hmm...), buy M-rated video games (although they've NEVER carded me for that, so i can't say that's a large victory), and give blood at the next blood drive. because keystone-miller is stupid.

it is now 2009. i feel like i've lost touch with a great many people this year, and it BOTHERS me. and i'm not quite sure what to do about it. so the first thing i'm going to do is have a party. in honor of my birthday. and invite all of you, and we shall dine on cake and deliciousness.

i'm always tired now. tired and worn out and anxious. anxious about what, i'm not entirely sure.

i think i've lost sight of where this journal entry was going. i'll try again later.

i stole this from beth...ipod on shuffle, first line of the first 25 songs, etc. have fun.

1. "nothing keeps your words at bay, tending to the sores that stay..."

2. "he told me that i knew just what to laugh at..."

3. "joy was her name, alive, unwed..."

4. "you caught me lingering in a another girl's paradise..."

5. "to my mistakes, to my mistakes of cowardice..."

6. "take your mind back, i don't know when, sometime when it always seemed to be just us and them..."

7. "when I was young we used to play the game of hide & seek, someone go hide, I count to ten..."

8. "things won't ever be the same...still i'm awfully glad i came..."

9. "if i could open my arms and span the length of the isle of manhattan..."

10. "you give me the reason, you give me control..."

11. "well i thought about the army, dad said son you're fucking high..."

12. "i listened to the words he'd say, but in his voice i heard decay..."

13. "take me down, 6 underground..."

14. "you're in control, is there anywhere you wanna go..."

15. "girl inform me all my senses warn me..."

16. "she spreads herself wide open to let the insects in..."

17. "you people out there give us more than just record sales...you give us something to hate..."
(BONUS POINTS FOR ANYONE WHO GETS THIS)

18. "Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree..."

19. "i know we're just like old friends, we just can't pretend..."

20. "i am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned..."

21. "you had all of them on your side, didn't you..."

22. "i still recall the taste of your tears..."

23. "staring at the sea...will she come?"

24. "does it go from east to west, body free and body less?"

25. "boredom's in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth..."

have at it.

so. passed my test, parallel parked beautifully. got my license. the guy was nice. ate celebratory dulce de leche. and celebratory tofu w/broccoli.

yep. then was outdoor ed. i have had enough nuclear to last several months.

umm...and i don't have much to do this week. except ma links and codared.

and i'm still really stressed out about my schedule. the bells thing doesn't look like it's going to get resolved anytime soon. and this is the best part - there is ONE french 4 class. with 21 people in it. yeah. isn't that fantastic?

it pisses me off that they made such a blatant scheduling error.

and i still have stuff to read. but i'm trying to cram in dicey time this week. he and i leave on friday - him for massachusetts, me for maine. i'm going to miss my squish tremendously. i am additionally stressed about that.

i'm very sick of this schedule stuff.

GAH

i miss you all. except lindsey. i'm already sick of you. (just kidding)

driving test tomorrow. GRAH. i'm rather nervous about my ability to parallel park. it's first thing
so at least it'll be over with early on.


GAHHH! i'm so nervous.

and i made a pie. peach pie. YAY!

and i didn't get my schedule fixed yet. bah.

outdoor ed on wednesday. YAY YAY YAY YAY!


wish me luck. please?

...i hate them.

so. emily (sister emily) has been sick. for the past week, apparently, with REALLY bad GI symptoms. she came home last night, sat, and she just kindof laid on the couch in a fetal position. she couldn't eat ANYTHING, not even water, without severe stomach pain. she had been to the doctor about 4 days ago, her doctor ran all sorts of tests, etcetera. this morning, she called to let her know about the severe pain...and, wouldn't you know, her tests all came back COMPLETELY NORMAL. so her doctor told her to go to the ER. so, we drove down to the bryn mawr hospital because that's what her insurance policy covers. and it is a REALLY REALLY nice hospital. so they thought she might have appendicitis, but she doesn't, so they're keeping her overnight for observation. i spent the day running around with her boyfriend. we made egg rolls with tofu in them. they were tasty. she's going to see the GI specialist tomorrow, and i'm very worried because she's REALLY sick. like, they had to dope her up just so she could drink water without her stomach hurting.

and, while we're on the subject of sick people, i no longer have a therapist. he has the advanced stage of esophogial cancer. he tried to get an appointment with some doctor in philadelphia for a new, cutting0edge treatment, but he couldn't get one until the end of august...which his current doctor said was far too late. so he shook my hand, said, "nice knowing you" (pretty much) and flew out to arizona for a last-ditch alternative treatment.

i really don't need this added stress right now, because i haven't been doing so well lately anyway. and now i don't have a therapist. i'm going to have to start all over with someone else. part of me just doesn't even want to bother...i know i'm going to want to have someone to turn to in the fall, in case i get extra stressed from school or whatever, but i kindof just don't care right now. i've been eating and eating (because food makes me feel better, and my dad's been yelling at me because i'm being lazy. a lazy sloth. and that stressed me out even more, because then i got one of my little episodes where my heart does the "i'm-gonna-beat-twice-your-normal-heart-rate-for-ten
minutes." so then i had to lie down and it scared the shit out of me, like it always does.

i have to go rest.